Stuff in my head....
I think we will be okay for a while - just from a human perspective...
Right when I was about to break down though, God reminded me of Psalm 23 and his promises/provision. Calmed me down for 5 min... then when the emotions welled up again - asked God "WHY?!" and He replied "to guide you in the direction I want you to go."
Well, sounds good to me - I'm praying I can keep that mindset through all the changes that are happening now.
I was thinking about dropping out of my classes to save the tuition money, but the drop date has passed. For now, I'm out of answers -- all I know is that God PROMISES that He will provide - we just have to obey and follow.
I was praying about whether or not to apply for a job at work - I guess I got my answer! Though.. trying not to get my hopes up for it - though I haven't thought of a plan B. The real concern I think is the medical expenses... not sure how much that will be since we have the baby. I think we'd be okay if it was just 2 young adults trying to stay out of trouble. But... I guess that comes down to God too - watching over us.
I think Jon and I are both hoping our parents don't flip out. Jon was concerned... but I reminded him (as He always reminded me with my arguments with my mom) that they aren't necessarily kingdom minded... and we have to keep that in perspective when we interact with them.
Physically ---
Getting bigger. He/she kicks once in a while - but I think its just internally cuz you can't really see it happening or feel it on the outside most of the time. Feeling alright - as long as I keep eating and no one takes my food (unless I offer it of course). :D Trust me though, it's better for everyone when the pregnant lady eats.
Spiritually ---
Doing okay - but not completely satisfied. I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen - moreso along the lines of career. Now that I've verbalized the fact that I've been running like Jonah for the past year about my call to ministry. What does that mean exactly?!? Don't know... and still praying about it. I guess I'm coming to terms with the fact that I won't be satisfied with anything else --- and somehow God's made it that way. It's just so hard... when the world thinks so differently (and apparently I do too - fighting against the forces that say I can't do it... or that finances are a HUGE issue, blablabla) Hopefully, I'm coming to the end of the complaining phase and getting into the obeying part...
Apparently God's been sending me little "fishes" instead of Jonah's big whale to remind me of what I'm running from. Gilles (my therapist) constantly grounds me so I'm rational (and not flipping out about finances or what other people think), Mel (alcf staff who happens to be a friend and in my counseling class) is going to be "counseling" me whether I like it or not every week for school --- and keeping me accountable to getting where I need to be, and my multiple staff friends... who somehow always make their way into my life or I unconsciously drag into my life to discuss or talk about God/ministry/stuff on my heart but don't want to admit.
Haha - God must be heavily frustrated by now... it's like he's peeling me off from something I'm stuck to and am unwilling to let go of. Ah - don't know if that makes sense.
Emotionally -----
Crying a lot - over every little thing. It's like being on your period 24/7. But - normally it's just tearing up and it goes away. I've just come to terms with the fact that I am an emotional being - and extra emotional right now.
